i love being a pessimist...

Finally iam not going for dinner with sujoy....eeks i hate it... :(....now i dont want to go anywhere...why does it happn every new years night...i end uup doing drastically what i dont want to be doing...huh... :(...
i dont want to start it this way...i think making plans is what we shouldnt be doing....everything should be unexpected coz thats the only way things can make us feel happy and contended...
Atleast in my case it is so...i alwayz expect somthing and something else happens... i think being a pessimist actuallly helps...

Let all the sad things be aside...my boss gave my my stipend (meri pehli kamayi todaY)...bada mazza aaya....iam so happy..it is a good feel iam getting to get some money on my own...wont have to ask mom for one whole damn month for money now... :)
What a new years gift isnt it..


anywayz i cant wrte much coz i wanna rush back home..as i have to carry on with the party..

so catch ya later..and verry happpp new year.. :)

HEy this is one of the poems i really liked...read and like it..
I didn’t get a chance to say I love you.
You were gone before we got that far.All I know is now I really need you,
Yet when I look for you, you aren’t there.
You said once that you never would forget me,Yet how am I to know without you here?
Such emptiness! Like what I feel within me:
Neither flesh nor tears, just cold thin air.
Sometimes, alone, I feel your arms around me,
And all my need for you spills out in pain.
Jagged memories of you surround me.
I cannot think I won’t see you again.

just another ordianary day...

Yeah...it was just another ordianary...day.....i bunked college today...wantedly...got some extra sleep..and went late to office..i reached office like at around 11.00 today... It was bosses lecture i skipped...ha....

Its crazzy how i want to go party tomorow nite...but i guess its not gonna work.. i dont want to comment much on it but i just wish i could....
jiju called up in the morning..hopefully we should go out sometime for lunch or dinners this week..once he gets free with all his work....have loads to tlk to him..regarding carrreeer,shaadi....etc.etc...
dint do anything much in the whole day...proved myself as a confused person to one of my blog followers...who is soon going to plan to quit reading my crazy blog....and i am hopefully going to atleast try to use the tips he has given to make my blog a better one..Thank you so much...
i dint not end up going to raechal's wedding all thanks to commuting problem..and the area in which the wedding is has loads of chaos of telangana and shit like that...so it was safe not to go...but will make sure we give her a nice party once she is bac to college...

My frend called and told me that it was compulsory to attend tomorows guest lecture or else i would be marked absent for the whole damn week....eeeeks..i hate it..i was planning to bunk tomorw as well..but looks like jaana hi padega...i hate waking up early.... :(
sheebu and i had a major fight as usual...and ive decided...dis time iam not going ahead and telling him iam sorry...its been happening for a while now..and i dont see my mistake in it...so i will just sit back and see the tamasha...kitne din baat nahi karega dekhti hun main bhi...
Limitations...boundaries and uncertainities...are such negative words...idont like them,...i wish they never existed... :(

I like the song you and me from pyar impossible...its nice...iam humming it all day long...
:) ....dinner is ready...so catch u later....

for rohit and juhi... :)

Rohit...thanks for reading my blog...feels good that som1 is reading my blog now...i hope you continue reading it ....coz i dont have many ppl reading my blog...so does not make me want to write it.... i hardly have any one reading it ...but in a way writing and letting my heart out feels good coz there are few things i cant talk about to anyone at all...





Juhi....iam uploading a few pics of mine ...check em out and let me know...how iam looking whether the hair cut suits me or not...frendz and boss both of them said it suited me....and i myself like it like crazy ...loads of thanks to chandrakant ( the one who cut my hair ...even though he is not much of a computer person)..i hope u can see me...i could have put up one b4 n after pic but then...iam in office so cant do all this keeda here...

Had a long half n hour talk to my boss cum professor sandeep sir...regarding college...assignments ....work place...new years party..etc. ..etc...he is a goood guy....one of those very few ppl who knows what to say how and at what time.... :).. i think he is great as a bosss...one of the managers...the fun lonving one...( amitesh) is leaving for his hometown for a long holiday...all ppl at office work crazzily i guess except me...but i still want a vacation....i want to go to GOA with frendz.... :(...


Anyways i will get my first pay...(meri pehli kamayi) on this 31st ......and i dont know where to spend what....the stipend is so lil ..that i dont need to think much...out of 4k i wil hide 2k for future use... and i should leave 1k for my montly expenses ...any suggestions what do i do of the other 1k ....your ideas are welcome...will be helpfulll for me to take decisions....
I met nirmala's boy frend sunil....i have met him before but not for so long...that guy is nice...nirmala is a sweet person....i hope all good happns to her.....iam glad i have a frend like her...even though she is 4 years older than me....we share the same level of thinking ...fun..so i was telling u about sunil...he is the guy from her office...and he is not just a guy....he is from ISB...so he is this brainy guy...lol... i want admission in ISB...dilwado na koyi...

:)....I, nirmala and rejina...are going for Raechals wedding which is tomorw..raechal is my PG classmate....Most of my classmates are gonna be there....so it is gonna be real fun ...i will upload some pics for sure...

After reading rohit's blog i realised oh yeah there is something called New Years Resolution as well.....its such a useless thing ...but my first resolution will be....i will Reduce my crazzzily over flowing weight...and work even more harder for my second semester and top this time...aim karne main kya jaata hai.... :)
the time to get back home is comming closer and i need to finish up with my days work....one more hour and iam outta office....
lets see whats in store for me for tomorw.....

Misssion so..Impossible...

WHy on earth is loosing weight sooo...not eassssy....
I wish things on my end...got a lil easier...why is it dat...iam still stck wid d same old weight (i mean i wanna losse some not gain it)
i cant excersise....its d most boring thing to do according to me..the tought of working out makes me feel sleepy n lazy....but i genuinly wish i loose some wieght...
i wish whn i wake up tomorw i strt looking thin n all...i wish these kind of miracles happnd...
but its ok..i knw illl have to quit...wat i love the most....FATTENING FOOD.....which is so yummmy n delicious...oh ya iam a big foodoholic...
iam gonna stop eating some fattening food...coz i cnt workout...so ill hav to do something to loose weight...so iam gonna stop eating...fattening food...
wish me luck...the mission strts tommorw...n i donno whn it ends..lol..

be mine forever....

When things are going wrong and life seems bad,
When everything goes crazy and you start to get mad.
When it seems you fail at everything you do,
Just remember someone loves you.
When time stands still and lifes a bore
Instead of seattling for less demand a bit more
When people change and you have no clue
Just remember someone loves you.
Even when you feel like you're just another face
and you've lost even before the race,
When your courage is low and intimidation is high
remember you're not the only one who is trying to get by.
When you think your strong but the world proves it's stronger
When you are about to quit hold on bit longer.
When you wonder how I make it through????
I sit and remember how much I love you ...

ok before you start thinking or comming to any conclusion about how beautifulllly ive written this....
I havnt wrritten this...i was juss browsing and i came accross this ....so this for those ppl...who like reading goodn senti stuff....

a kisss on the forehead....

I never knew dat kisses on the forehead can be so specail..n luving may be coz i neva got one earlier....Early morning at 4.00 my sister was awake...as she had to leave for the airport..as she had to go to the headoffice of canadian embassy has she has lost ira's passport...The flight was arnd 6.00....(ok i shuldnt bore u guyz wid the flight details..anymore)
i was sleeping on my bed...wid all the books arnd me....Kiran was asking me to wake up as i had asked her to wake me up so dat i could study...(now dats smthn impossible...if iam sleeping...den dats equal to me going dead..coz i feel nuthn whn i am sleeping...u wont believe..i was late for my mba interview in one of the big colleges jusss coz i was sleeping n my alarm couldnt wake me up....)....so ultimately i was sleeping n wasnt ready to wake up.....kiran carried d bag which was on my rightside...and hugged me n gave me a kiss on my forehead...and said "goodbye neha...miss you and love you and all the best for ur exam"....i knw its nuthn gr8..but den whn i got up in the morning i felt reallly special....i was all smiling whn i got up...iam juss waiting for her to return on saturday...n meet her n hug her....i hope the purpose she has gone to delhi for is accomplished...
My business law paper for kinda ok...i managed to do the case study's wid the help of my frendz...the invigilator was kinda sweet..he let us talk in between the examination.....but the paper was patheticallly lengthy...dont the paper setters..understnd how hard it is to continuously go on write for like 3 hours at a stretch......
i have my second paper which corporate accounting...and it is tommorw...lol...i dont knw wat i knw n wat i dont knw in the subject..iam almost confused as well as blank....i guess dats how students are supposed to feel or as far as i knw everyone says d same thing to me....its a tough paper...n i dont get the logic of why a practical paper is twisted and turned into a theory one....as far as out lecturers are concernd...dey say its gonna be a tough paper..wid more of theory n less of practical problms in it.....i am gonna hate it....
had yummmmy food at nidhi's place(a gujju frend) her mom makes yummmy achars...n i go crazzzy n pimply eating acchars...but i love em.....
I got to knw that my "sales promotion n public relations '(SPPR) paper is being postponed....i had it on 15nth but no iam goonnna hav it on....28th....gooooohhhhd!!!!!!i am gonna hate dat long gap...thnks to elections...n stupid politicians....
i hate leaving this blog abruptly...cant help it...cousins are calling...iam d chatter box...so dey dont like it whn iam not talkng...
i reallly wanna go on writng so many things on this blog...
n iam missing ira....allllot..n kiran tooo...

i feeel good and i feel bad tooo....

Guesss what!!!!
My sister dint leave last nite...i knw dats a goood news..for me...
but the bad news is dat she dint leave coz she misplaced ira's passport....(my niece...)...so dey couldnt go...was awake till 2 searching and yapping wid her and my other 2 cousins...remembring our old dayz...whn we went to set up her house in mumbai...it was so much fuun..going to malls...and shopping eating and sleeping..oh i loved the time whn i was is in schooll...dint hav to eva use my brains..excpt in studies..everyone else would do it...for me..oh!!! how i wish those days come bac...but cant happn...
iam feeling sorrry for my sister...coz she has to go thru a big process...of getting ira a canadian passport...so now she stays wid me for almost half a month more...nice fun for me...but a complete distraction....coz i hav my examz strting frm tomrow...
i have the toughest...n d most sickening paper....n d most dreaded one business law...eeeeeeewww.....
My mom left last nite..to zaheerabad(i have joint family n my half family lives in a town called zaheerabad n i live here wid the other half in hyderabad)...my mom stays dere coz she likes it dere...n not here in hyderabad....zaheerabad is juss 100 kms away frm hyd...so we usuallly go for every festival to Zbd and n ya even on every sunday...i love going to zaheerabad...makes me feel like iam at home dere...Staying in hyderabad makes me feel like iam staying in a hostel..n every time i get a vacation of more den 3 days when iam doing nuthn den i run to zaheerabad...

iam still doing my first time reading of my notes...n i hope that i do my examz well...
i havnt told my sister abt dis blogging thing coz i dont want her to read my blogging...
and woh filhaal lappy ke aas paas hi mandra rahi hai...coz she wants to use the lappy...shes wondering if ive got a boyfrend...coz ive been online for a while now...shakkk ki nazron se mujhe dekhkar smile karri hai...lol..

iam gonna miss........

i dont want my sister to leave me....she comes down for a month wid a lot of work here...n frm the time shes had a baby...she has even more work to do....
I think more than me my moms gonna miss her....i dont hav a father...he expired whn i was in 2nd standard....n my mom...has beeen lonely in her frm the time he left...but all thnks to our family...we all neva felt so much pain n dint hav to struggle much wid our lifes.....
my mom loves it whn her daughters wid dere daughters come down...to our place....i,ma n kiran....hav planned to hav the crying session in d evening..we decided not to cry much...till today morning...my sisters wasnt going tommorw to kuwait but den jiju called her and asked her to get bac....he is having a tough time dere....n he is missing her n ira verry much....so she plans not to cancel her tickets n leave tomorw....i dont think i could hav got a better sister then kiran...who has alwayz helped me ....
I can alwayz depend on her.... n ask her anything....i would ask for a suggestion frm her coz i knw shes my own...sister...and she wouldnt suggest me anything wrong....we share a different relationship....shes almost 8yrs older to me....n we dont eva feel the age difference...i wish we could stay together forever....i knw she wants to get bac....coz she misses jijju.....oh god!!!!!!!!how i wish i could stop her...but i dont want to....coz her love and life are there....and i knw next summer or may be b4 dat we mite meet again.....
why do ppl come whn they hav to go again??????????
Theres a trip being planned by a few cousins and frendz of mine to kodai...and ive been asked to join in....i want to go to the trip....but iam doubtfull if i will be able to
due to many reason's....
1. permission frm poo poo(my granpa-who's the big daddy of our house)
2. my MBA or diploma course admission will be on...
3. i donno....i thought id find many reasons to write in here...but i dont seem to be remembering dem....let see wat happns its in may end...so i wanna be free...n njoy wid dem
iam going to my lil cousin gaurav's birthdya party....its at mc donalds...n i hate mc donalds big time...n den kiran wants to go for dinner....so we all members of a big bang joint family...are again going to create a big chaos in some big posh restraunt(i find it a lil embarassing...coz we all wanna eat smthn diff and we order so many things...and den d kids of our house...strt cribbing....n acting ziddi....dis gets a lil annoying...but we finalllly manage to have a great time).....This alwayz happns..and its bound to happn....
Aaaaaaaah!!!!!again....the thought abt missing kiran is comming in my head...i juss wanna tell her that shes the best thing i could ever get.....thnks god....thnku so much...she has been my mother,tutor,sister,brother.....and all the the beautifull relations i could share wid her...i dont regret having a brother.....coz am happpy i hav a sister like kiran...
Anyways...catch u later....next time ill hav more stuff to write in as my sister is not gonna be here...and i would want to share ....so many things as my sisters not gonna be arnd....

kiran..iam gonna miss u...

for my lovely sister.....

I don't have a safety pin....
I miss you thenI need a second opinion...
I miss you thenWhat earrings do I wear with these...?
I miss you thenNeed a partner for the movies....
I miss you thenFeel like having my favourite sambaar....
I miss you thenCouldn't tell you what I felt like at 4 a.m
I missed you then....
i miss you alwayz....

i woke up sooo worried...

Yesterday....aftr comming home frm the whole chakna session....i came home...and saw that my cousin seema had got Arundhati's cd(its a horror telugu movie...)even though i dont understnd much of telugu....i managedto get scared of the scary scenes...i recommend u to watch it in a theatre..to get the proper feel of it...the actress luks verry beautifull in the first half.....
today i woke up all worried...realising that my frendz hav been calling me all nite to wake me up so that i could sit to study...as iam d lazzzy bum of my group....i realised that if i dont study now i would be lagging behind...n would end unprepared....in the examination hall....which i hate to be...but den i end up like dis in all the examz....so i den got up at arnd 8.30 n sat to study...n den bing bang my sister kiran called me to check her passport status....which is still wid the canadian counslate..dose ppl are stuck wid my sisters passport since 2 weeks n are nto sending it bac....she hasto leave on 19...god knws wat shes gonna do....i guess shell stay bac for few more days..good for my mom...
ok so lemme get bac...i came here to check d status....of my sisters passport..n i thought i shuld blog...feels like am laready addicted to dis blogging thing...evn though ive juss started....

filhaal i gtg n take shower n wait for my frendz to come and ya i hate tosay this..i hav to get bacto studying...Freaking business law...i hate it...

depressions killing me..

exams are starting dis weekend frm saturday onwards....n i have the most fucking paper....on saturday...i kinda hate studying presently...waiting for dese examz to get over...finally ill be done wid my graduation...
filhaal toh me going out every weekkend to some unkown ppls parties ...its not dat my parents knw dem i dont....its juss dta we r going to dese placesto chekco ut d catering for my cousins shaadi....lol...i think dis is funny...everyday..free ka khana khane ko milra...hai...n iam surely gaining....1 kg per day..pakka...n soon ill start to luk like a bulldozer....anywayz....
i ended up crying dis aftrnoon...coz i hav too many things rolling in my head...will ocntinue tomorw...
coz mujhe khana chakne jana hai...ntr gardens mein ...lol..

welcome...

hie...my first day at blogging.....

iam new to this..i usually think of creating my own blog..n finallly today ive done it...

juss last year in april i had been to kuwait to visit my sister.....my sister explained to me wat blogging was...till den u wont believe i had neva had an idea abt blogging....

ive been wanting to write a diary since a long time but den i havent been able to all thnks to my laziness....

iam a 20 year old girl ..stuck in life wid a dream to do an mba frm a reputed college...but i couldnt get thru any of em....unlucky me..i live in a giant joint family.....i hav 2 sisters...the eldest one is whom i love the most in this whole world....and second eldest one is the one i hate the most....(one reason coz shes very mean...not only to me but to every one...)i hav a loving grandfather....who nowadays is not doing welll....i have amazing frends....and some selfish ones too....my momz verry sweet n neva says no to anything....i dont hav a father...my father died whn i was in 2nd standard....according to my sisters n ma....he loved me d most out of all 3 of us.....i miss him way too much...coz i think dere are things which i deserve n i dont get ....juss because i hav to think twice b4 asking smthn....n i cant be ziiddddiiii....(i love being a pig head to my sister....coz she pampers me allot)...to dose who are doing so mch for us...even though we are not "theirs"....i hope u got wat i mean...i hav 5 grandfathers.....n each one of dem has helped me grow....

iam basicalllly writing this blog to let my heart out .....coz i havnt been able to do it for long....my sister has alwayz been dere for me for everyproblm....and every decision i had to make...but now...she has her own life...her husband...n her daughter ira whose been pooping all the time...frm the time shes come to india...i wish i could do smthn for her...

may be you ppl who are gonna read my blogs can help me out of my problems....gimme ur opinions abt things....help me take decisions...and most imp of all get me out of DEPRESSION........